go for walks, read the news, let yourself be amused by little things

I am (reverently, I hope) cursing the early church fathers. Every last one of them. Origen, Tertullian, Athanasius, take your pick. They've been fascinating company for the past few weeks, but as summer slips into all her barefoot glory I'd so much rather leave all this school and study behind. I have half a mind to throw Chrysostom against the wall and call it quits---but then I remember yesterday.

Yesterday came in one happy hour after another: the rush of exam adrenaline, lunch beside the newest frantic additions to the Duck Pond, an evening bike ride and a homemade dinner with all my windows open wide. I made pita chips that tasted like New Zealand, dolloped curried rice onto sauteed zucchini, sliced a lemon into my usual ice water. I walked to Center Street and back while the sun set and then marked up more of The Great Divorce before slipping into bed. The entire experience was at once spontaneous and completely planned; I finished everything that needed finishing and still had room for adventuring. Yesterday, everything seemed so remarkably simple.

In fact, I woke up this morning thinking that was ridiculous. Then: You know, today could be that good, too.

Yes, Dad, you are right. My sisters and I might roll our eyes, frustrated, every time you remind us that "you choose your attitude," but this weekend has been Exhibit A in your gallery of Life Lessons. Thursday, I chose tears in the face of a flat tire and midterm exams (and Dad, you laughed---to which I say, whole-heartedly, thank you.). Friday, I chose to memorise the properties of word formation with a song and while away my work hours in non-stop project mode. The effect was immediate and almost embarrassingly apparent; not only did my exams and workday pass quickly, but I was more social, more awake, more alive. I talked more and to more people than I probably have the entire week combined, chatting to random classmates, a young mother at the Duck Pond, the freckled boy at the Post Office. All day I fed off the energy of a single decision. "We are born for infinite happiness," C.S. Lewis reminded me as I headed to bed. "You can step out into it at any moment."

So today, instead of giving into the pressures of a midterm paper and an extra shift in the labs, I am trying for happiness again. I'm giving myself another hour with my apostolic mentors and then taking a break with paintbrush and a little robin's egg blue. My roommates have promised a thrifting trip tonight, and Kat's making her crazy-healthy chocolate chip cookies. Life is good.

What's your brand of happy?


{post title credit to kate nash ("a is for asthma"), + the beautiful ellesapelle who has changed my week, if not my life, for introducing me to her. good music is all kinds of heart-happy}