spider solitaire

I am looking inward; that may be my problem.

I am content in myself, happy with who I am and who I am working to become. I am alone but never lonely, solitary but not yet isolated.

Most of a month ago we sat about the round table, the traditional Christmas Eve fondue at our center, swapping stories of the highs and lows of 2006. We shared the silly, the solemn, the momentous and the momentary. Dad had been silent a good while, listening to the banter of family. When time came for his turn he only stated, "This is the high. To have worried and watched over you all these long years, only to watch you become the beautiful people you are now, knowing you will all be okay, knowing you will make a difference."

I am waiting. Hoping that I am not disillusioned, that I truly am someone worth knowing. I am reminding myself that friendships, the very best of them, take time. I would not be so overparticular if not for the friendships I have amassed, each so intricate and eloquent in their own way. How cruel it is that, no matter how secure in our selves we may be, we need to be seen by others to be sure of our own existence.

I am looking inward; that is my strength.